Thursday 4/25/13
Happy Thirsty Thursday, everyone! We’re almost to the weekend, can’t you just taste it? Heck, we’re gonna start partying now just because.
We started the show today by welcoming in a very, very special guest: Mr. William Shatner. If you don’t know who he is, what planet have you been living on? No, seriously, we assume he’s been there, too, so there’s really no excuse. Ol’ Bill was coming in to promote the “Priceline.com Hollywood Charity Horse Show, Sponsored by Wells Fargo.” The title doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, but it’s for a good cause, so we’ll let it slide.
We figured, in our infinite wisdom, that Mr. Shatner knows more about sexy aliens than any other earthling, so we thought he would be the perfect guest judge for our “Hottest (illegal) Alien Pageant!” We brought in five (FIVE!!) beautiful women who were here (against the law) from places all over the world. Representing Canada was Nikki, Siberia was Julia, Russia was Sascha, Twee from Vietnam, and Ali Rose from Spain. The first round was the intro, where we got to know the girls and why they chose to flee their country in favor of the USA.
Following that, we went on to the talent round, where Mr. Shatner judged things from yoga moves, to double-jointed hands, and even bona-fide Russian translation.
After that, we moved on to the topless Q&A round. After one last parade around the room, we concluded that Ms. Siberia (Julia) was the overall winner! Julia received her GREEN CARD, a “Sexy Alien” sash, tiara and the whole works.
If that’s not enough for you, don’t forget it’s still April and that means… April Showers! Waiting for the girls in the shower today was the most American thing since mom and baseball… apple pie! Brings a patriotic tear to the eye, doesn’t it?
Wednesday 4/24/13
Happy Hump-dee-hump day, folks! Here’s to the week being half over:
We started the show today with an extra special surprise. We had Mike, a long-time fan of the show, in the studio and let him present a gift of flowers to Andrea… aww. How sweet. This isn’t the last we’re going to see of Mike today, though…
We continued the fun by jumping into the Lowell Down. We covered such enthralling topics as people getting in trouble for pulling wangs, a blind date carjacking, and others just as nefarious. Oh, the humanity!
Next, it was time to bring in the ladies: Kristin, Emily Rose, and Annette joined us in the Mini Mansion to help us play one of our all-time favorite games: Chick-tionary! We had these smokin’ hot babes get in touch with their artistic side… on each other’s bodies. As the game went on, we also talked with Nico Tortorella, who plays Jacob on “The Following.” Nico had quite a turn on this week’s episode, and we won’t spoil it for you, but we recommend you check it out.
We brought Mike back in to round out the show by joining in the Chick-tionary fun, and then even getting a little wet with the girls in our continuing April Showers! What a lucky guy.
Tuesday 4/23/13
Happy Tuesday, folks! We had a real GRAND show for you today (that awful joke will become all-to-clear in just a few moments… read on if you dare)!
We kicked off the show by Skyping with Rafe Eric Biggs (PhD), the man whose thumb has become his surrogate penis since an accident left him paralyzed. Rafe gave us the low-down on what a thumb-gasm is like, and we here at the Morning Show are sold. Thumb-gasms all around!
Following that rousing study, we brought in Carter Lay (heir to the Lay’s Chip Company) to talk to Kevin about his snubbing in their recent contest. Carter (wisely) suggested he go to Pepsi. The saga continues. We also brought in Andy Bell (from Nitro Circus) and Jackson Rathbone (of Twilight fame), who (along with Carter) recently participated in a charity race sponsored by Toyota. Although none of them came out on top , we considered them experts enough to have them judge our…Celeb-titty Gran Prix! What’s that? Why, only the most prestigious topless race in all of… sports? Sure! We brought in the hot Charlotte, Woo, and Chelsie to be our race cars and speed around the Mini Mansion, pit stops and all, and see who was the fastest. Chelsie emerged as the clear victor, and was rewarded as only the best racers are: milk! We continued our April Showers with a post-race milk shower, and that closed out our show for the day. We can’t believe we didn’t come up with the milk thing ourselves, that idea rocks.
Monday 4/22/13
Happy Monday, everybody! The only place that phrase isn’t an oxymoron is right here at the Playboy Morning Show, and we’ve got the stuff to back it up.
We started today by welcoming back our host with the most, Kevin, from his vacay! Then we got on with the rest of our lives.
We interspersed today’s program with a few helpful “Just the Tip”s about Earth Day (which is today, apparently). We had our lovely models Danielle and Molly come in studio to give us such hints. For example, don’t give road head in a gas guzzler if the motor’s running, and plant a seed (because it’ll make your ass look good).
We then moved on to Good Naked/Bad Naked, where we give you the skinny on who got naked in public this weekend. It was a good day for Portland’s homeless ladies, who were given the A-OK to panhandle topless, and a not-so-good day for everybody who wants to do their shopping in the nude. That’s still frowned upon.
After that, it was time for the Lowell Down, where we give you our take on what’s going down in the news. If you’re over 230 lbs., be careful on where you tan: it might not happen. Also, if you’re going to do the “condom challenge” (the new meme that’s sweeping the darker corners of the internet), our advice to you is simple: don’t, just don’t do it. Seriously!
Finally, we wrapped up our show today with a segment we like to call “April Showers,” where our smokin’ hot Danielle and Molly do 4 challenges in order to determine how hot their minute-long shower gets to be: a failed challenge makes it colder, and a passed one makes it hotter. They did their best, and kept it at a lukewarm 50 degrees. Okay, wait, that’s actually pretty chilly.